I used to think my goal was to get myself into a problem-free existence.
I thought the most successful people had pretty much gotten rid of all their issues. Then one day I realized that thought was a trap. It was a rule in my game of life, which meant I could never win.
There are always going to be struggles. The real question was: which struggles did I want to have?
So a new mantra became—Choose your struggles, Todd.
If you look at problems as always being a pain in the ass, that’s what they’ll always be, and life will feel like a slog. It won’t matter what part of your life you look at, a heavy dark cloud will always be waiting.
When I started to view my problems, challenges, or struggles as something to choose, I started to filter life in a very different way.
The first thing I did was stop seeing every problem as unwanted. If you think something is bad, it’s easy to see it as unwanted. So, I started to find the good in the problem.
For example, last week, I caught myself lamenting the fact my kids are getting older.
- The ‘bad problem’ is thinking “I won’t see them everyday, and they’ll move away.”
- The ‘good problem’ is thinking “It’s so great to pass along stories to help them stay connected to family.”
I love the ‘struggle’ of being a parent. Especially when it rewards you with little moments like this one.
To anyone else it looks like a little boy with his hand out the window, and a dad with his hand out his. But there’s a lot more to it…
While I was growing up on the farm and riding in the truck with dad, he always had his hand out the window. Feeling the air pass through his fingers, as he checked on the cows or inspected the crops.
I got in the habit of doing the same thing.
No matter where I’ve been in the world: Italy, South Africa, or New York City, my arm is resting on the door, hand out the window, feeling the air pass through my fingers.
My kids have picked up the same habit.
I snapped the picture, because after a quiet ride, I said to Charlie, “What are you thinking about?”
“The wind feels nice in your hand doesn’t it.”
“It sure does.”
Pause.
“Did you and Papa do this?”
“Every time we were in the truck together.”
Pause.
“I think we should do it too.”
“I’d like that.”
This little moment was during a hectic day of shuttling three kids to sports activities and birthday parties, while breaking up arguments.
But I’d choose it every day.
Our problems aren’t the problem. It’s how we frame them…look at them…and interpret them, that can be the real problem.
I hope you have a great week of ‘hand out the window’ moments.
Be Bold. Take Action. Leave a Mark.
Todd Herman
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