What Does It Mean to Be a [Your Last Name]?

We were walking to the grocery store when I saw her across the street – an older lady carrying heavy bags from Whole Foods, which was about seven blocks away. She’d walked a considerable distance with those bags.

I turned to my 5-year-old daughter Molly and asked, “Molly, what do you see across the street?”

She looked around – there wasn’t really anyone else on the street, which is rare for New York City – and said, “The old lady with the grocery bags.”

“Exactly,” I said. “Now, what do you think a Herman would do?”

Without hesitation, she replied, “We would go help her.” “Amazing. That’s exactly what we should do.”

That moment didn’t happen by accident. In our family, we started very early on defining what it means to be a Herman.

Here’s something most people don’t appreciate about human development: we’re very much influenced by the world around us, the environment we grow up in, even the country we’re from. There are national values that become part of how we see ourselves.

If that’s true, well, me as a parent, I’d much rather help to shape that in a healthy way for my kids than just let the world shape it for them.

So we crossed the street, and I approached the lady. “Excuse me,” I said, “my daughter just suggested that maybe we could come over and help you carry these bags back to your apartment.”

She protested at first – “Oh, you don’t need to do that” – but I insisted. “No, no, we want to do it.”

She was just another block away, so we grabbed her bags, carried them to her front door, and she thanked us warmly before going inside.

As we walked away, I said, “Molly, that was such a great idea. You’re exactly right. That’s exactly what a Herman would do – we help other people.”

Here’s the key: You can’t just put a poster up on the wall. You have to actively find opportunities to reinforce your values.

I’m constantly looking for moments when my kids are living our family values, then immediately connecting their actions back to our family identity. This isn’t about perfection, it’s about consistent reinforcement.

When you do this consistently, something remarkable happens. Your children start to see themselves through the lens of these positive values. They begin to self-regulate based on family identity rather than external rules.

More importantly, they carry these values into every relationship and situation for the rest of their lives.

If you want to lead a peak life, one of the most powerful places to begin is creating a peak family culture – one that’s intentionally designed rather than accidentally developed.

• Choose 3-5 core values that represent who you want your family to be
• Create a simple phrase that captures your family identity (like “Hermans Help Others”)
• Look for daily opportunities to reinforce these values when you see them in action
• Connect the behavior to the identity – “That’s exactly what a [Your Last Name] would do”

The world is going to influence your children whether you’re intentional about it or not. The question is: Will you define your family’s values, or will you let the world do it for you?

Be Bold. Take Action. Leave a Mark.

Todd Herman

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