A military colonel once approached me after a presentation.
With tears in his eyes, he confessed: “My wife sleeps in a different room. My kids want nothing to do with me when I come home.”
His problem wasn’t a lack of love for his family. It was his inability to switch roles – to leave “Colonel” at work and become “Dad” at home.
I recently discussed this challenge with Dr. Daniel Amen, and it’s something I see in high-performers across all fields: The inability to transition between roles is costing you – in your relationships, your health, and your overall performance.
Think about it:
- The executive who brings boardroom intensity to family dinner
- The entrepreneur whose mind is always on business, even during “downtime”
- The professional who can’t stop checking email, even on vacation
These aren’t just bad habits – they’re identity confusion.
Here’s a simple framework I shared with that colonel (who later told me his marriage and relationship with his kids completely transformed):
- Create a physical transition ritual between roles
- Identify a “totem” or object that represents your different role
- Visualize who you want to be in each context
- Practice intentionally stepping into that identity
For the colonel, it was as simple as changing out of his uniform immediately upon arriving home. This physical act became the bridge between his military identity and his father identity.
What could your transition ritual be?
Be Bold. Take Action. Leave a Mark.
Todd Herman
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